Latrinalia

"words fit for a bathrom wall" Grandiloquent Dictionary

People use latrinalia in speech all the time. As an exercise, repeat the word "people" fifteen times in your head. For me, around the tenth time, it seems no longer clear to me that word means and it really no longer makes sense. Instead of a word - one entity, complete with definition and pronunciation, and not to mention all those letters - I start getting a string of sounds that is no longer meaningful noise. It's not quite the same with profanity, but it seems that sensitivity to that kind of latrinalia gets dulled in today's society.

That's why I won't write about it.

Instead, I've decided to tackle, most vigorously, a word that I absolutely hate. It's a word so heinous that Rumpelstiltskin himself would stamp madly, shouting "the devil made it up, the devil made it up!". It's a word that represents the zeitgeist of the very lowest scum of the earth. It's a word that used as a most uncaring and disgusting excuse, when trying to explain away some terrible thing. It depletes momentous events into tiny incidences. It is atrocious, abominable and certainly fit for the virtual bathroom with all the rest of the unwanted feces of society.

"Relative" is the thing, wherein I'll catch the king.

"Relative" is a word that's used to cheapen merit. Recall the characters Tommy and Jillian from the lethologica article.

Example the First:
Jillian: Tommy, quit celebrating, you've only biked 10 kilometers.
Tommy: Well, actually, it's all relative. You see, our friend Jim bikes 20 kilometers a day and those guys in the Tour de France biked over 200 kilometers during one leg of the race. But, Jim and those racers in the Tour de France are actually good at biking and they're trained and stuff. It's nothing for them to bike 200 k, but it's a monumental feat for me to bike 10k. So, for a habitual couch-potato like me to bike that far … it's incredible, it's great! I'm incredible, I'm great, I win the Tour de France!

Example the Second:
Jillian: I got 90% on all of my exams!
Tommy: Ah, but relative to your previous record of 95%, I'd say you're slipping.

"Relative" is a word that's used to reduce morality and ethics into squalor.

Example the First:
Jillian: Tommy, this is terrible. You're cheating on your take-home exam by copying from your unsuspecting roommate.
Tommy: Well, relatively, in comparison to, um, professional con artists, this is merely child's play. It's completely alright, applause-worthy, even, that I'm only copying a few answers.

Example the Second:
Tommy: Jillian, you're being a bad person, the way you've been rude and mean to everyone lately.
Jillian: That's ridiculous, Tommy! You see, good and bad are relative. How do you know what's bad and what's good? There's no such thing as good and bad when you think about it, so I'm a perfectly ok person.

In short, I absolutely loathe the word "relative" and it's usage in phrases to the effect of "it's all relative". It's not all relative. All hyperbole aside, sure, we have to make allowance for different people. But, just because someone is good at something, doesn't mean that they should get less credit for doing it. Just because there are worse things in the world, doesn't make a bad thing any less bad. Relativity and putting things in proper prospect is all good and fine, but there comes a time when you just have to face the facts and face the definitions. But, of all latrinalia, "relative" is the one that is not taboo. Thus, woe befell the land of weltschmerz.